Changing Me

Finding out we were pregnant with twins sent me into some serious self-reflection. How was I going to be able to handle this? How would it affect our other children? Was our marriage as strong as it needed to be to support the challenges that would come? I knew some changes needed to be made. As I began the journey, I tried to make everyone else around me change. This did not go over so well. In his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard states, “I believe the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person-to be born again-to be a new creature in Christ. When we are more godly, fewer things bother us. And when we run into problems, we are more likely to process them in helpful ways.” Logically I knew I couldn't change others, but it took a good five months before my heart softened enough to open up to the idea that it was ME who needed to change.

Little by little I worked at strengthening my relationship with Jesus Christ. I had to humble myself and admit that I could not do it on my own and ask for Him to help me. My desire was to ACT as the Savior would have me do and not REACT to whatever was happening around me. This has not been an easy change for me, and it is still something I work at every day. I have good days and bad days, but I will not give up. I know that through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can repent and keep trying every day.

Next to my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in importance is my relationship with my husband. There is nothing I desire more than to be a good help-meet for him. One of our textbooks for this Marriage class is called the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman. After years of observing and scientifically studying marriages he came to the conclusion that, “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” He elaborates, “In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don't just “get along”- they also support each other's hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together.” Before getting into the seven principles (which we will study in the subsequent weeks) he lists some reasons marriages fail. Here's a video describing Gottman's “Four Horsemen" that end relationships and should be avoided!

In striving to change me and "be a new creature in Christ” as Goddard suggests and avoiding Gottman's "Four Horsemen" and applying his seven principles to my marriage, I am looking forward to the growth in my own life and in my marriage. I'll keep you posted:)