Principle 1: Enhancing Your Love Maps

"There are few greater gifts a couple can give each other than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood." (John Gottman)  For this reason, Gottman's first principle requires a couple to create "Love Maps" of each other.  These "Love Maps" are where we store all the information we know about our spouse.  This could mean anything from remembering "major events in each other's history" down to knowing what their favorite candy bar is and everything in between.  Providing us an opportunity to focus more on our spouse's wants and needs and less on our own.  H. Wallace Goddard taught, "In striking the marriage bargain, we are (unknowingly) giving up the egocentrisms of childhood in favor of the charity of Godhood.  We make a covenantal step toward unselfishness."  How can we put our spouses needs first if we have 1. forgotten what they are; 2. know what they are but regard them with contempt; or 3. never took the time to learn them in the first place?

The great thing about this principle is it is easy and fun to do!

• Have a date night and play a version of "20 Questions"; whoever wins gets to pick the movie:)  
• Once you find out what they are, make a little gift basket of your spouses favorite things.  
• Help your spouse know you by writing up a "Getting to Know Me" quiz; tell your spouse they get a minute back massage for every answer they get right;)  
• Follow this link to spark some ideas for questions to ask.
• Let me know your ideas!!!

Gottman's research shows that "Keeping in touch...ensures you'll be well equipped to handle any problem areas that crop up in your relationship."  Being willing to take the time and effort to get to know your spouse and being open enough to let them know you, helps lay the foundation of friendship in your marriage.  So let the "Love Mapping" begin and lead you to a stronger, more connected marriage!