If, sadly, you've recognized the "four horsemen" in your marraige, there is hope! Gottman states, "...fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt. If you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree." He goes on to challenge couples to "Catch your partner doing some little thing right and then offer a genuine appreciation..."
Last week our assignment was to, "consciously work on overlooking the traits/characteristics/faults of your partner that you find annoying and consciously work on nurturing your fondness and admiration for four to five days"
Here is an excerpt from my write up: "This week I learned the power of holding positive thoughts for my spouse. We will be married sixteen years in April and right now we are on the fast track of life, even though by no means am I an over scheduler. With the childrens' needs, his work, the kids school, church callings, etc, life can feel overwhelming sometimes and it can be hard to carve out “Nick & Rebecca” time. It was so powerful this week basing my thoughts for Nick on fondness and admiration. When times got crazy at home, instead of being frustrated that he wasn't here, or was here and wasn't doing what I thought needed doing, I would focus on the things I cherished about him and it put everything else into perspective. He has made my dreams come true and sacrifices so much for our family. I found that it was true what the assignment note said, “the attitude in your mind and heart will be reflected in your actions.” When I thought positively towards my spouse, I felt more in love and I treated him more kindly!"
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