"I believe that the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person-to be born again-to be a new creature in Christ. When we are more godly, fewer things bother us. And when we run into problems, we are more likely to process them in helpful ways." (H. Wallace Goddard)
Studying Gottman's the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Goddard's Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage has been an answer to my prayers. They came at a time in my life when I have been humbled enough that I was ready to accept what the Lord wanted to teach me: Humility and Charity.
My Journey to HUMILITY
I shared previously the reason I was compelled to begin an improvement journey was because we found out we were pregnant with twins. At the time, we had five children, ages 12, 10, 4, 3 & 1 and I was feeling that life was blissfully chaotic, heavy on both. (We had waited years for our number 3 and were so happy that 4 & 5 came quickly after!) I had struggled over the years feeling that Nick and I were not connected as much as we needed to be. The month before getting pregnant I had been called to fulfill a church calling that required quite a bit of time and energy. I was barely staying afloat with the "status quo" and was very aware that adding two more babies was going to be just about beyond my own abilities. And I was right. For the first time in my life, I wasn't strong enough on my own. Thankfully I had been taught and had practice in turning to the One who is strong enough.
Little by little Heavenly Father was working to soften my heart and allowing me to feel the love the Savior has for me:
That love compelled me to want to be better. Each week as I worked on another of Gottman's principles, my eye's were open to my own shortcomings and weaknesses that affected our marriage. My prayers before had been asking for a change in my husband. I started asking God for a change in my own heart.
"Rather than re-working our partners to our liking, we are invited to cover their weaknesses with our charity!" (Goddard)
"We will continue to be annoyed by our spouses unless we are humbled enough by our own limitations to call on heavenly grace." (Goddard) I was humbled enough by my own limitations to call on heavenly grace. The Savior answered the call by supporting, strengthening and loving me in spite of my weaknesses. All He asks in return is that I love my fellowman, especially the man I have chosen to be my eternal companion.
Gottman and Goddard both stress the importance of accepting your spouse not expecting them to change. The path to having the strong marriage I desire is not by trying to change my spouse, but by asking God to allow me to see Nick the way the Savior sees him; with CHARITY.
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