Accepting the Family that Created Your Spouse

"A couple is to become one in establishing their family as the basis of a righteous life.  Latter-Day Saint husbands and wives leave behind their single life and establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives.  They allow no other person or interest to have greater priority in their lives than keeping the covenants they have made with God and each other... 

In Genesis 2:24 God commanded man to "leave his father and his mother, and (shall) cleave unto his wife."  "Married couples should discuss what they will do to protect, maintain, and repair, (if necessary) the invisible boundary or fence that guards their marriage."  To create a strong marriage it is imperative that each spouse knows that they come FIRST to each other.

...Nonetheless, married couples continue to love and support their parents and siblings while focusing on their own families.  Similarly, wise parents realize that their family responsibilities continue throughout life in a spirit of love and encouragement." (Handbook 2: Administering the Church: 1.3 Establishing Eternal Families)

This was the creed we lived by as kids.  I could give my younger sister a hard time but the second any one else dared to, I was right there defending her.  Our marriages would be stronger if we applied this to our in-laws as well.  Our spouse has every right to vent to us about their family.  Our job is to listen in a supportive way without adding in our own observations of our in-law's weaknesses.  (That can be challenging, especially if your spouse has suffered abuse by their family.  In Helping and Healing our Families it states, "The supporting spouse must understand that his or her own anger about the past abuse does not help the spouse who was abused, but may make it harder for the abused spouse to communicate openly.  When spouses can be supportive and listen and not be emotionally reactive, they are better able to help the husband or wife who has experienced abuse...")  Helping to strengthen the relationship between your spouse and their family will ultimately strengthen your own marriage.

To DO'S to create strong bonds with in-laws:

• set boundaries that help ensure your marriage is strong and happy, have regular contact and communication, disclose information about self, accept differences, use empathy, push for relational connection

To DON'TS to create strong bonds with in-laws:

• be forceful, angrily avoid, take sides, be unwilling to accept differences

Hart, C. H. (2005). Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by the family: A proclamation to the world. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book