Unity through the Holy Ghost

Last week we had to turn in a paper addressing our marital strengths and weaknesses.  Here's an excerpt from mine: "The area that my husband and I struggle in is dealing with conflict in our marriage.  If things aren't right between us my husband tends to turn inward and not want to talk through the problem, just hopes it will go away.  Gottman found that "Avoiding conflict over a perpetual problem leads to emotional disengagement."  Learning that I felt justified in my frustration with my husband not communicating...until Gottman pointed out that a big part of my husband not opening up had to do with me being defensive and contemptuous, two of his four horsemen."

How can we resolve conflicts in our marriage and be unified when we come at things so differently?

Elder Eyring in his talk, That We Might Be One, had some great counsel for achieving unity.  "If we are to have unity, there are commandments we must keep concerning how we feel.   We must forgive others and bear no malice toward those who offend us.  The Savior set the example from the cross: "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).  We do not know the hearts of those who offend us.  Neither do we know all the sources of our own anger and hurt."   

It really struck me that we don't fully know what's going on in our spouses hearts AND we don't always know where our own anger or hurt come from. Case in point: Hairstyle #6ish (in less than a year)

 I wasn't too pleased with the cut and was feeling pretty down.  I called Nick and told him that at least the salon owner had come over and told me I was pretty.  Nick said, "That's a great way to get people to keep coming back, just walk around and tell everyone how pretty they are."  Instantly, my feelings were hurt and I assumed he didn't think the comment was genuine.  I realized later, had I felt confident with the new hairstyle Nick's comment wouldn't have hurt at all, I probably would have replied lightheartedly - "Um excuse me, don't you think I'm pretty foxy!"  Its made me step back and assess where I am at emotionally when I start to feel sensitive towards Nick's words or actions.

How do I forgive others, bear no malice and come to know my spouses heart and my own?

In my life I have found that it has come through the gift of the Holy Ghost.  "The keys of the Priesthood (the power and authority to act in the name of God) are on the earth today.  By its power we can make covenants which allow us to have the Holy Ghost constantly.  Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony...The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Nephi 11:29).  It leads to personal feelings of peace and a feeling of union with others.  It unifies souls."  (That We May Be One)

I feel certain that one of the greatest blessings of doing school for me is that I made a commitment to read my scriptures everyday before I start my school work.  I know that scripture study has invited the Holy Ghost to be more of a constant companion to me and I believe that is why I am being able to learn and apply the things that God is teaching me.  It is helping me to not be so defensive and to have more love and patience for my family.  I am so grateful for that gift in my life and the unity it is bringing to my marriage.